A Vampire Laff-Riot?

In about 10 minutes, Comedy Central in the UK is about to show The Lost Boys.

Erm.

Look, I know the 80s hair is very funny - Jason Patric's do is a far greater threat to his future than the bloodsucking thing - and no-one's ever quite sure why the deceased Corey had that barechested Rob Lowe poster snuck into his room design, but surely it's not that much of a comedy. I could be watching some classic Ackroyd here, or Martin, or (pushing it) Murphy. Hell, I'd take one of the first two Beverly Hills Cops and happily argue for the comedy more than the action.

(Incidentally, my dad can't stand Eddie Murphy films - the rapidfire patter always sounds too improvised for him and that annoys him, but the one thing I remember him laughing at was when Axel Foley crashes the Playboy mansion in Part II and makes things difficult for Jurgen "Puhrgen-Schurgem-Meurgen" Prochnow, eventually announcing that the party is over and "Max fucked it up for everybody". For some reason that one line had him laughing for minutes. But I digress, as I often will if you read this regularly.)

I never quite got The Lost Boys. Though it was one of those first really major film rental titles I remember being around when VHS went mental, I never saw it until about six years ago. So I was certainly far too old to connect with it in a "I'm-a-disaffected-teen-and-you-don't-listen-to-me-world!" way. Also, I just find punks in films laughable, really, so I'd never have connected to them anyway, I feel.

As I type, the film is just starting now, with the The Don's producing credit having just faded. One thing you can't fault with the film is the often effective soundtrack - I'm a big, big fan of Tim Capello's awesome saxfest "I Still Believe" - and though the album crucially lacks the film mix of "Cry Little Sister", it's still a great listen.

Some of the performances are good. Edward Herrmann is stylish, Jami Gertz interesting, Dianne Weist sweet and Kiefer Sutherland's early intensity reminds you of how good he is, and how much time he wasted in the 90s. I'm also getting a hankering to see Flatliners, which I can't have done in more than 15 years. And of course the original founder of ENCOM, Barnard Hughes, plays a crucial part.

But man is so much else annoying. Haim and Patric are whiny and irritating throughout, the Frog Brothers are implausible - I buy vampires, I DO NOT buy them - and the style over substance becomes apparent in one of the flying POV shots halfway through the film, when the vampires are presumably flying from their cave and THE FUCKING SUN IS STILL OUT.

I'm not going to rag on the hair and clothing too much as it was what it was then, but they do increase the ridiculousness of watching it now tenfold. Right now Corey Haim is wearing something that would hang loose on Dolph Lundgren's frame. But there's also some really obvious reversed footage of the ocean in one scene, and the welter of gore flying around in the final scene is totally overdone. I also thought Jami Gertz's "child" was a girl for most of the movie until dialogue made clear my mistake - but I maintain it's needlessly ambiguous.

The end really tears it though - the famous final line, delivered by an actor doing his best. I think we're supposed to be all "Whoah, he knew the whole time". Uh-huh. SO WHY WAIT UNTIL NOW TO DO SOMETHING? How many people are dying while he bides his time? Did he never talk to anyone else about this? More to the point (heh) he waits until the moment he will have to hit a moving target with a weapon that will at best be a bugger to control with accuracy. No, sir, I say no.

Still, here's Tim Capello's saxtacular - enjoy that at least.